


About His Love

by imnotmadeofeyes



Series: A Tale Of Teenage Love [3]
Category: All Time Low, Bandom
Genre: ALSO I made Jack/Zack happen in a hook-up, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sorry Not Sorry, Tagging sucks, angsty, mentions of Austlan, oh yeah also Alex/Lisa relationship, one-sided Jalex, really though it's only angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3422636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotmadeofeyes/pseuds/imnotmadeofeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex gets better. Jack doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About His Love

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, I have like, three other fanfictions to finish? But in the end I sit down and I write this series, even though I know this kind of sucks and I'm sorry? But yeah, whatever, feedback appreciated.

Alex gets better. It takes a while, and for some time he's almost moved in with Jack. They meet up every day, and more often than not Alex simply stays over so he has someone to cuddle, at night when his thoughts get too loud and he needs Jack. Jack gives it all to the boy, because Alex is his best friend, and because Alex is important, and because Jack is irrevocably in love with him. It's funny. Whenever he wanted someone, and he thought he was falling in love with any of them, and then he stopped talking to them and stopped thinking of them – forced himself to not do any of this – the feelings disappeared, sooner or later, were replaced by crushes and then someone else entirely.

But before Alex got his heart broken, Jack hadn't heard from him in a while and every kind of contact had also always come from him. But it hadn't helped and it also isn't really of use that now, Alex is back in his life, more prominent than ever, and he's still the same. He's still smart and funny in that weird way of his, and he still gets silent a lot and listens to Jack's stories and tells Jack his own when Jack gets silent because he's overwhelmed by the weight of his feelings for the older boy. He sends him funny messages again, and he's back at the top of Jack's contacts and it's – good. Kind of.

One night, when Jack just accompanied Alex to the bus after a weekend spent together, his mum stops him from running into his room. She makes him sit down at the kitchen table, makes him hot chocolate. That's when he knows that he's in for a hard talk, and he secretly steels himself. He's not yet ready to admit what there's in his mind and heart and soul, and he probably won't ever be.

"Jack" His mum starts, seriously, with a worried tone to her face. Jack can't meet her eyes, because she knows, she knows he's broken from his love and she's just waiting for him to say it.

"What is it, mum? It's been a long day, I still need to do homework and I'm tired." He replies, just a bit annoyed by her. His fingers wrap around the cup in front of him, but the warmth doesn't offer him comfort like it used to.

She sighs, takes a sip of her coffee, and lights a cigarette. Jack wears a hoodie, but he still shivers when she opens the window. "Is there anything I need to know?" she asks it lightly, like it's nothing special to ask, but the words all but hit the air out of his lungs.

"What are you talking about?" Jack decides to play dumb, just because he can. He doesn't want to talk about it. When he talks about it, it just makes it real, and really, Jack wishes it wasn't. Just like he wishes the new red lines on his thighs weren't there – but you can't have everything, can you?

"You and Alex, Jack." His mum tells him, and she sounds more patient than Jack thought she would. Why can't she just get annoyed and snap at him so Jack has a reason to snap back and storm into his room?

Jack stares into the hot chocolate in his hands, takes a tiny sip. It's creamy and not too hot, drinkable, so she probably put whipped cream in it just the way he liked. "What is there to know? We're friends, he's going through a rough time. You taught me I need to be there for my friends."

She sighs. "Yeah, I know" Now she's getting a bit impatient, but mostly because Jack is being ridiculous and they obviously both know it. "But you love him, right?"

"Of course I do – he's my best friend!" His favourite excuse.

"No, Jack, you know what I mean, don't play stupid. I know you, kiddo – I see the way you look at him. You love him."

This time, he doesn't deny it, just drinks a big gulp of hot chocolate, doesn't meet his mother's eyes still. She's right, so right. Everybody sees it, sees the way Jack looks at Alex like he hung the fucking moon or something. Jack hates it.

His mum reaches out, takes his hand. He almost starts crying right there. "Oh my boy, what are you doing to yourself?" she asks, understands without him explaining.

"I'm so dumb, I know." Jack finally manages to get out. "I just can't help it. He's so – god, mum, he's just so gorgeous. He's the best boy I've ever met."

His mother smiles, but it's a sad smile. She can obviously see Jack's heart breaking right there. "He is a good kid, I must admit that. But is he really worth it? All that pain?"

Jack doesn't answer yet again, only looks at her. An answer isn't needed, because to Jack it's obvious – whatever it needs to stay close to Alex, it's worth it. Alex would be worth rotting in hell for the rest of eternity or dying in a burning house or whatever. Alex is worth everything Jack can give and more, and he's ready to give it all to him. That is, Jack knows, the most dangerous thing about his feelings for that boy. He's in too deep, and he's about to sacrifice himself for another person's happiness, and his mum taught him not to do that. She taught him and he didn't listen and now it's too late.

"Just don't forget to take care of yourself", his mum says, and Jack almost breaks down. He hasn't taken care of himself for years, even when everything was good with Alex.

*

Alex gets better. So of course, it's just a matter of time until he leaves again. This time, the girl's name is Lisa. She's gorgeous, petite and beautiful, with a contagious smile. She's witty and intelligent, and Alex' eyes shine when he looks at her, brighter than Jack ever made them shine in the past weeks spent together. He tells himself he doesn't care, because finals are coming up and he's stressed out and he just wants to pretend everything is alright, just a while longer. Slowly, Alex drops from the top of his contacts, and their meetings get less and less. And Jack thinks it's only because they're both busy with studying for finals and soon they will get this over with and they can be JackandAlex again.

But then finals are done, and Jack hasn't heard from Alex in eight days. He decides to call Alex, just because he wants to hear his voice again. Alex never fails to ease Jack's stress, and right now his whole fucking body is tense and aching from it. Alex doesn't answer. Jack sighs, decides to text him. Simple, _hey there, haven't heard from you in a while. Everything alright? :)_ His text is only delivered three hours later, and the answer from Alex isn't surprising, but hurt nonetheless.

_Sorry, @Lisas, can't talk._

So that's how it starts, the legacy all over again. Alex still texts him sometimes, and sometimes they meet in the city, just randomly when they're both in the same spot at the same time without planning to. Alex' hugs are loose and his smile is fleeting, and he's always in a hurry to get somewhere, even though Jack would do nothing more than to spend time with his best friend again. He misses him dearly, and he knows he's getting worse with every day they don't spend together, but then again, Alex is happy again. Alex is smiling and he put on some weight he lost before, his skin glows and his eyes shine and he got a haircut, dyed it just a tad darker, with a bit of red in it. He's gorgeous still, breath-taking whenever Jack gets a look of him, and he can't make himself cling to him, in fear of holding him down, holding him back, keeping him from being happy.

Break has long since started when Alex says he's going to be in town again for a Friday night. These have gotten rare yet again ever since he'd been dating Lisa – they're not together yet from what he knows, only going out, dancing around each other. Jack gets excited; he feels empty without Alex there to be with him, to share his silly thoughts and generally just everything with, especially because he spends every day alone at home now. He can't wait to hear from Alex again, to see him again, to have him there with him again. So he puts on his best clothes, and actually makes an effort trying to style his hair when he goes out.

He's there pretty early, so he doesn't ponder on why Alex isn't there with the usual crowd yet. He hugs them all hello, starts chatting easily with some people he knows better. Jenna just came back from here two weeks in Australia, and Austin and Alan finally got their shit together and started dating, so there's a lot to talk about. Some people, Jack hasn't seen in a while, so he catches up with them and he has to admit that his mood is, in fact, splendid. He hasn't felt this good in a while, so it's not surprising that he doesn't really notice the time running.

Until it's already nine thirty and they're at the Chaos again, but Alex isn't here and he hasn't texted and just, what? It instantly drops Jack's mood, even though he's pleasantly buzzed by now and all he really wants is to be happy tonight. But instead, he draws back from Zack who's been flirting with him all evening and goes outside, to smoke, to check his phone. Jack really hasn't texted, and he still hasn't when Jack puts out his cigarette with the heel of his sneaker five minutes later. So Jack goes inside again and sits back on his spot, listens to the conversation. Nobody notices how silent he's gotten all of a sudden – Alex would've, at least Jack thinks so. He's not so sure about that anymore, because he changed so much.

At 11pm, Alex finally texts Jack. Jack by now switched from beer to vodka, and his mind is blissfully clouded, the alcohol keeping away all the thoughts about his best friend. The message he receives breaks him completely, and this time he knows he's beyond repair before he notices his fingers shaking.

_Sry can't come w/ Lisa togethr now_

For a second, Jack can't breathe, he just stares. Alex dodged him for a girl again. He was okay with it the first few times, but enough is enough. Jack remembers his mum's words – he can't forget himself just because that boy comes around and looks gorgeous and behaves flawlessly with all his flaws and mistakes. Jack has enough. His heart is broken, crushed, and there are cuts on his thighs to prove it, but he won't have that no more. He doesn't need Alex, he manages the past weeks just fine without him. That's at least what his drunk mind tells him.

So he turns to Zack – Zack, a good friend of him, who everybody knows has the biggest crush on Jack. Jack knows he shouldn't use him, shouldn't play him just so he can numb the pain and try and forget about Alex more thoroughly this time. But while Jack loves Alex with every fibre of his being, Alex isn't here, and Zack is, and so he turns to him, and he kisses him until they're both breathless, and he doesn't forget to shoot his mum a quick text that he's staying over at a friend's house that night.

*

The next morning, Jack wakes up feeling like shit, not only because he's hungover, but because he regrets the entire night, the kissing and the sex and the fact that he's leading on one of his closest friends, and when the clock in the bathroom switches to 11.11 as he's washing his face, he still wishes for Alex' happiness. In the end, it's still all about his love.


End file.
